Misanthropy Is So Underrated

Resentment is So Overrated

Posted in Overrated by mpal219 on 02/12/2009

The Burning Desire to Hate Can be Intense

Resentment – A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

Over the last couple weeks talking to a few people I have observed one thing. People always have beef with someone else. I mean some of the beef that people have run really deep into the depths of their heart. This intense beef is the reason why Resentment is So Overrated.

It is my hope that I don’t come off as someone who is exempt fromc feeling resentment. As a matter of fact, it is my resentment that prompted me to write this blog. However, I have been doing some reading and talking with some other people and I think that understanding what resentment is will help you figure how to release.

An old cliche quote that I hold year’s ago really nails how damaging resentment can be:

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Dealing with people over the last year has been very challanging. As a result, I know that I am holding some resentment towards those people. I truly don’t want to go into 2010 with these feelings of resentment. I hope that if you are feeling the same way you have the same desire to shed resentment leading into the new year. After talking to some people and doing some reading here are some conclusions that I came up with:

1. The Winner Takes It All – It is a coincidence that this is actually the name of one of my favourite ABBA songs. My favourite part of the song comes in the very beginning and the very end of the song.

I dont want to talk,
about all the things we gone through,
Though it’s hurting me,
Now it’s history,
I’ve played all of my cards,
and that’s what you’ve done too,
nothing more to say,
no more ace to place,
The Winner Takes it All
I don’t want to talk,
If it makes you feel bad,
And I understand that you’ve come to shake my hand,
I apologize,
If it makes you feel bad,
seeing me so tense,
no self-confidence,
But you see the Winnter Takes it All

These are my two favourite parts of the song because it really describes the growth and thinking that musth happen as you work through the ways that someone has harmed, hurt, or betrayed you. I see the first set of lyrics showing how angry one can be about the whole situation. Why is there even a need to talk? You have done your do and now you are the big “Winner” so go about your life. However, in the meantime you are still feeling this anger and getting rid of this person has done nothing to help aid your growth or development.

 I think you become fully self-acutalized in the whole situation when you can embrace the last part of the song. These lyrics do two important things. It  allows the person, who was hurt, to acknowledges the pain that the other person may have about the situation and choose to opt out of making it an issue. The other thing it does is show that you have grown to acknowledge that you were the “loser” in the situation and that you were hurt, but released it. The “Winner Takes it All” they must deal with the feelings of seeing you “so tense no self confidence” because you have move forward. I think that if we could all get to that point we can release the resentment that we have towards people. To finally forgive that person. That leads to the second conclusion.

2. Forgiveness is Is Essential – Similar to grieving I have read that forgiveness has steps…actually 7 of them.
(1) Admit You Are Angry! – A good way of  seeing if you are angry is think about your inner monologue. When you think about this person what comes to mind? If it garners negatives feelings then you are angry!

(2) Acknowledge the Loss and Consequences – This is why I like writing and blogging. It allowed me to take inventory on everything (physical, emotional, financial, etc.) that I’ve lost as a result of being hurt or betrayed. When you are angry with someone take a few moments and take inventory of the things you lost.

(3) Be willing to feel Vulnerable – This has to be the toughest one. It requires you to change your view on the situation and even worse find out how you contributed to the negatgive situation. It is an important step or you won’t be able to move forward.

(4) Stop Punishing – This one is hard for me. When someone pisses me off the first thing I want to do is punnish them for doing wrong towards me. However, I found the energy that you put into that only makes you more angry and makes the other person more resentful. What good does that do towards resolving the situation.

(5) Identify Some Good in the Other Person – Again another tough one for me….just as important though.

(6) Develop Genuine Neturality – Find a common spot between the person(s) is difficult but important. This plays into the last part of the last part of the the Winner Takes it All. Letting go even if that means that you may not see or have contact with this person again you have let the situation go and found a common spot. 

(7) Stay in the Present – Once you Squash it…squash it. If you have to keep bringing it up then you haven’t forgiven that person.

Now I know this a long blog so I am going to cut it off here. I am going to post a Resentment is Overrated Too which will discuss why it builds in the first place. But if you have some resentment right now take the time to read this blog and ponder it. I know after writing it there are a few phone calls that I have to make. Part II will be coming out in a few days.

P.S. Here is the ABBA song in case you want to hear it.

The Winner Takes it All